The Purple Wyrm Fantasy Resource

From time to time people contact me to tell me they saw something unusual. (If you’ve seen anything unusual, feel free to do the same.)

I just got a reported recently from a lady named Mary Lou in Illinois. She swore she saw fairies danced in her backyard garden and, when she went to investigate closer she found what she thought were tiny footprints and some very odd marks on her cabbage leaves.

Now, even though I know fairies exist, they’re not the first thing I think of when I hear about marks on cabbage leaves. To tell you the truth, caterpillars are much more likely. Fairies tend to keep hidden and when they get gas — Phew! — those little things practically explode.

So. As this lady Marilou why she thinks it’s fairies. I wrote down our conversation verbatim for you all to enjoy.

Louie: Hey, Mary Lou. Now, why is it that you think there are fairies in your Cabbage Patch?

Mary Lou: well you see Louie, I went out in the morning with Tipsy, my Pomeranian, so she could do her business in the yard. And when I was walking past the vegetable patch I noticed something funny around the cabbages. There were holes on the leaves but they weren’t like holes bugs would make. They weren’t all raggedy, you know.

Louie: so what was it with these holes? And did you see anything else?

Mary Lou: the holes were in shapes. Like hearts and diamonds and flowers… just cut out of the leaves. I guess some kid might have done it but I can’t see why. I thought perhaps the fairies were making some kind of special salad, or maybe use and the shapes for something fancy like decorations. Oh, and I also saw the tiny footprints. They were like little half inch long feet in the ground. I could even see the toes on some.

Louie: it sounds like fairies alright. Here’s what I suggest you do. Go to the store — like Wal-Mart or a hardware store — and by yourself five or six cans of industrial strength Raid. Then you wait till nightfall and sneak out into backyard near the cabbages. But those damned fairies have the with both barrels. And don’t eat the cabbages when you’re done.

You’d think I would’ve asked the woman to set fire to her yard the way she went on. Some people just don’t know about fairies.

I was having a chat the other day with Fri’gnol-Ma’rtka’al, an elf buddy of mine from the town of “Really Bad Self-Published Fantasy Novel.” He was complaining about aging (damn, he’s only 120!) and how his pointy ears aren’t as erect as they used to be.

I don’t have that problem. If anyone tells you different, they lie.

So, me and Fri’gnol-Ma’rtka’al were talking about modern medicine and advancements in cyber stuff, nanotechnology, robotic doctors… that kinda thing.

He thought it wouldn’t really matter if humans got fixed up with robot parts; they’re pretty much robots already, just complain more, he said. Me? I think some things are better off left alone. Leave the machines to fix the machines is what I say.

The fellas in this picture here are naturally occurring creatures from the planet Zercite-X82. No one is really sure how they breed, but there seems to be a bunch of ‘em, especially in junkyards. They fix stuff… badly for the most part. But they just can’t help trying to fix stuff, or build something new.

“A lot like humans,” says my elfish friend. Yeah. I guess he might have something there.